The Darkest Timeline

Living in America, at the start of the millennium

Well, shit.

Less than 48 hours after my “don’t worry, everything will be OK” convalescence post, our country took a cannon ball leap into political violence with a failed assassination attempt on Donald Trump’s life that left multiple dead and injured.

I try to avoid politics in this newsletter and the facts are still unclear and trickling out in real time, so I’m not going to make any big proclamations about the shooter’s motives or electoral ramifications. Still, this is a shocking historic event that will likely have ripple effects for years, I’m upset about it, and not talking about it would be like avoiding discussion of the novel coronavirus ripping across the world in spring 2020.

A few stray thoughts:

Political violence is NEVER acceptable and I condemn it unequivocally. My condolences go out to the innocent bystanders who were shot in the attack, hopefully those who are in critical condition make a full recovery. I am glad the former President was not seriously injured or killed, both on a basic human decency level and because that would almost certainly usher in a wave of retaliatory violence.

There is overheated political rhetoric on both sides that we need to turn down. That said, it is impossible to ignore the years of constant inflammatory, racist, sexist, and—at times—violent words from Trump himself. Then there’s people like Kevin Roberts, the president of the conservative Heritage Foundation and point person for Project 2025, who not even two weeks ago stated that the US is “in the process of the second American Revolution, which will remain bloodless if the left allows it to be.” Of course, there are the countless Alt Right, groyper, and other extremist folks online actively cheering for civil war and lynching political enemies.

Finally, none of this negates his terrible plans for this country: Mass deportation of immigrants; persecuting political enemies; pushing a hard-right cultural agenda that includes (further) rolling back reproductive freedom and LGBT rights; dismantling the Department of Education and the EPA’s attempts to combat climate change; abandoning NATO allies like Ukraine. It is still urgent that we beat him peacefully at the ballot box in November.

Weltschmerz

Zooming out beyond this specific event, I want to talk about the broader sense of existential angst I feel living through this chaos. As an “Elder Millennial,” I’ve lived through dozens of “once in a lifetime” events and I’m not even 40 yet.

9/11.

The invasion of Iraq and the War on Terror.

The 2008 financial crisis and Great Recession.

The election of Donald Trump, 4 years of insanity, two impeachments, and dozens of criminal indictments.

The COVID-19 pandemic.

The first land war in Europe in over 70 years and atrocities in the Middle East.

Increasingly frequent extreme weather events and record-breaking heat.

All of this is exhausting and terrifying. My nerves are frayed and my adrenals are pumping out dust at this point. I’m sick of hearing the word “unprecedented” on a daily basis.

The English language does not have a word specific enough to express this anguish. The closest I can find is the German word Weltschmerz, which literally translates to “World pain”—a weariness that comes from witnessing evil and suffering.

Chaos Theory

It feels like at some point in the recent past we entered the “darkest timeline.” This phrase comes from an episode of the NBC sitcom Community called “Remedial Chaos Theory” where a group of friends rolls a die to decide who will go downstairs to pick up their pizza delivery. Each roll of the die shows a different number and creates a different version of events, or “timeline” (a reference to multiverse theory), subtly highlighting how the absence of each character affects the group’s dynamics.

When Troy Barnes, the group's heart, goes to get the pizza, everything goes wrong: a fire breaks out, Pierce gets shot and dies, Jeff loses an arm, and Troy's voicebox is damaged. Abed calls this scenario "the darkest timeline." This term has since become an internet meme used to describe the feeling that our world is spinning out of control:

I don’t know when exactly we slipped into this “darkest timeline.” Perhaps it was the terror attacks on September 11th or the Great Recession. But I think there is a strong case to be made it began when Donald Trump descended down the escalator in Trump Tower in 2015 to announce he was running for President. In his speech, he angrily attacked China, Mexicans, and Muslims, among other incendiary comments. Since then, hate crimes and threats against politicians have spiked:

Same as it ever was?

Some folks might be reading this and thinking, “Yeah, but doesn’t every generation face upheaval and new challenges?” And it’s true that people as far back as Socrates in ancient Greece have been complaining that things used to be better and that we are living through end times. The authors of The New Testament believed the apocalypse was imminent, and so far they have only been off by about 2,000 years and counting. There was a wave of political violence and assassinations in the 1960s and 70s. One of the main themes of the musical Rent is the existential dread of living through the AIDS epidemic and turmoil of the 1990s:

Don't breathe too deep
Don't think all day
Dive into work
Drive the other way
That drip of hurt
That pint of shame
Goes away
Just play the game

You're living in America
At the end of the millennium
You're living in America
Where it's like the Twilight Zone

And when you're living in America
At the end of the millennium
You're what you own

— “What You Own,” Rent

The reality is that as a straight, cis, upper-middle-class white man, I will likely be fine no matter who wins in November, or what goes on in the world. But many people I care about aren’t so fortunate.

What about all of the women I know who are terrified about an unplanned pregnancy without an option to terminate?

How about couples struggling with infertility who may lose access to IVF?

What about my friends who are gay or trans wondering if their very existence will become criminalized?

What about people of color who face rising rates of hate crimes?

What about the international Muslim grad students and residents I know who already faced expulsion once, and will likely again?

Every generation has its burdens, that does not make the present moment any less perilous.

Staying afloat

Amidst all of this depressing news, how do I manage to stay sane?

As much as I am a lifelong news junkie, sometimes I have to realize I’m doomscrolling and actively force myself to do something else.

I read a book. Go to the gym. Play Nintendo. Google “Canada immigration policies”— haha just kidding! (I’m not kidding) Have a beer. Binge watch reruns of my favorite shows. Writing this newsletter is extremely cathartic.

Maybe this seems like distracting myself from real problems. Perhaps it is.

I used to judge people who lived through 1930s France, Germany, and Italy for passively letting their countries descend into despotism. After living through the last decade, I have a little more empathy. It is nearly impossible for people to endure constant gloom and doom, especially if we cannot do much about it, so we cope by tuning it out. It’s a basic survival mechanism.

I wish I had some soaring, inspirational “…but here is the silver lining!” closing speech.

Unfortunately, I don’t.

I’m not going to sit here and lecture anyone that there’s a simple solution if you just donate money to a politician or organize petitions or phone banks or go out and protest or whatever else (although those are all good things). Life is hard enough without being shamed that the fate of the world rests on your Saturday plans.

All I can say is don’t feel bad if you need to rest and unplug for a while; this is a marathon, not a sprint. Do whatever you need to in order to keep yourself together during these scary times.

Balance boundaries and distance with refusal to become completely cynical and apathetic. Authoritarian regimes are inherently unstable and a key tactic they use to maintain control is demoralizing people and making them feel helpless.

Try not to completely put your head in the sand. Stay informed to whatever degree you can. And please, Please, PLEASE…VOTE in November! As 2000, 2016 and 2020 showed, elections have consequences, and your vote does matter.

Finally, be kind. Small acts of grace and humanity are what get us through difficult times. In eras full of darkness, we can be points of light that illuminate a better way forward.

Note: I will be keeping the comments section open, but I insist people stay respectful. I will aggressively remove any hate speech or endorsement of violence, and will not hesitate to ban repeat offenders.